If you cannot keep up with your howler monkeys, please do not bring them to shop. I will be happy to take it off your hands. Permanently. ONE HOWLER MONKEY FOR SALE. CHEAP!
The correct ratio of parent to howler monkey upon entering a big-box retailer should be one-to-one - unless there are ropes involved. Twin clauses and a possible in utero contract extension may be invoked to temporarily extend the ratio to a maximum of 1 parent - 3 children - given that you retain two with near-identical DNA and one is current womb fruit.
Being of the male persuasion (however ugly and possessing of man-boobs) and rolling in with FOUR howler monkeys is in certain violation of the Maximum Number of Howlers Per Adult Code. Please see the relevant statutes of the Fire Code, the Customer Service Code and the Reproductive Code.
Furthermore, when in the process of looking at Daddy Yankee CDs (instead of desperately needed grooming products), you mange to lose one howler and he wanders up to my counter howling like a wounded animal and you are unable to be found, my headache becomes your problem.
Yes, we should have called the cops. I wish we would have. Multiple pages in Spanish and English produced no result while there is a CHILD screaming at the top of his lungs and unable to communicate in any language other than "WAH, WAH, WAH, WAH."
If you do not want your howler monkeys, I will relieve you of the burden and sell them to Colombian slavers for a tidy profit. You don't deserve it anyway.
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4 comments:
Priceless! When I worked retail (as I used to do for Christmas Cash) we used to joke about that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. Why don't they record a song with children crying and whining to "Silent Night." Ironic AND appreciated by retail workers world wide.
Chelsea? Is this you? What are the odds that I would have stumbled upon your blog about my children!?
This is the funniest thing i've read! even though i'm guilty of much of it.
A local, family owned, non-chain type store has a sign that reads: "Unattended children will be given a double expresso and a puppy".
Kaytee
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