If you cannot keep your howler monkey muzzled and on a leash in public, I will whip out my ticket pad and write you a contempt of the Howler Monkey Code ticket on the spot.
Ok. I understand that you feel your troop of womb fruit is entitled to a precious few minutes outside the walls of its cage, where it is usually busy ripping paper, tearing the leaves off branches and flinging poo.
HOWEVER, that does not entitle you to bring the five-strong troop into the Starbucks at 9 a.m. (don't howler monkeys have to go to some sort of monkey school) and inflict the entire out-the-door line of people desperately in need of a double espresso with the sight of your crotchlings making faces at a barista because their tall frappuccinos were not made the way "they wanted them" - all five of them.
Look woman. There is a SYSTEM. You order it. They make it. It is NOT their problem if you are incapable of ordering correctly or if your child suddenly decides she doesn't want a "white" frappuccino at 9 a.m.
One of your little crotchlings pranced up to the bar and snatched her sugar bomb off the counter. She walked four feet back to the FOUR plush armchairs your children had planted themselves in and said "It is WHITE. It's not supposed to be white."
Your other four brats apparently didn't care about color of their 870 calories, but she took it back and repeated what she ordered. They re-made her vanilla creme frappuccino. WHICH IS WHITE. It came right back out white to.
She took this one off the bar, made numerous funny faces at it and prissed back over to her pack. "It's still white," I could her whispering, like it was a conspiracy. And she refused to drink it. Well, you really ought to know what the hell you're ordering.
-- Don't let your howler monkeys run around Starbucks at 9 a.m. No one appreciates them.
-- Teach your howler monkeys to eat what they are given. Better yet, don't give them 870 calories of sugar-bomb at 9 a.m.
-- If you got five howlers loaded up in the car, do the drive-thru!
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2 comments:
It's bloody time to thin the herd!!!!! Sorry...venting. Great posts!!! Stay sane.
Excellent posts...as a mother myself I cringe at the though of my children (or god forbid me) acting like any of these howler monkeys (great term by the way)...keep up the great blogging...between this one and the other about wallyworld, I get a chuckle almost on a daily basis. Oh and one other thing...what parent in thier right mind would allow children that much sugar and caffinne!!!! ARGGGG
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