Please do not feed the howler monkeys

If your howler is already screeching like a banshee, do not give it any more sugar.

I had a woman come through my line at the Wal-Mart last weekend wanting to do a return. She had six items on four receipts to return and a howler monkey straight from the bowels of hell.

This little minx, named Brittany, was a babbler, a toucher, scrambler and a screamer par excellence.

She touched every single thing on the counter, my debit reader, everything on the register next to mine, she babbled on and on to her mother, she kept trying to ride a returned bicycle and then she tried to climb back into the buggy. Then she started wandering around to talk to a kid in a stroller who was three back in line. "Mommy, look, a little boy."

The mother - who obviously failed at teaching the child to sit still and shut up - kept saying "be still Brittany" or "Now Brittany" or "Come back here Brittany." Brittany know who the boss is. It ain't this poor, tired, sad mommy.

I'm racing through this return as fast as I can when I hear Hapless Mommy say "Brittany, come back and be still and we'll go get ice cream as soon as this is done."

I look straight at that woman and go "Ma'am, I really don't think she needs any more sugar today."

If your howler monkey is already hopped up on sweets, do not give them more. You are just making things worse.

Jesus. Learn to parent, not appease. It didn't work for the British and the French in 1938. It won't work for parents in 2007.