Strong boundaries are a sign of good parenting. If you are old enough to have children, stop acting like one.
If your parents failed with you, you need to recognize and correct. The rest of the world will not forgive their mistakes. In fact, those nasty looks are indeed aimed squarely at you and your howler monkeys.
Parking your three children in front of the register at Starbucks at 8:55 a.m. and saying “Do you want this? What about this? Or this?” Repeat in triplicate while a mob grows behind you.
If you MUST, give children a choice. Juice or milk. Apple or banana. Cookie or muffin. In my childhood, I took what I was given and was grateful for it.
Your precious num-nums will eat and drink or go hungry and thirsty and appreciate what they have next time. And the rest of the working poor can get finally step around your Cadillac-sized stroller, Louis Vuitton bag stuffed full of crap, Chanel sunglasses and Ralph Lauren outfit for our $5 half-caf, no-foam, no-whip venti chai lattes and get to work.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Food is for the dinner table
Please do not feed the howler monkeys.
Shopping trips to Wal-Mart do not necessitate packing a "snacky-poo" for your child. Anything other than a bottle for an obviously newborn infant is just creating bad habits that someone else is going to have to break at a future point in time.
Coming to Wal-Mart should not be so tiring for a child to have the Service Desk be the home of a Gerber Graduates yummy yams feeding. If it is your child's meal time, you need to be at home - not returning merchandise.
If they shriek like banshees for food, you have several problems.
First, you need to smack them to make them lower their voices in public. Yelling is not an acceptable way to communicate. No one is dying or in imminent danger of achieving that state. Shut up and stay shut up.
Next, you need to create regular meal times and stick to that.
Finally, you do not need to be running around with small children at 10 p.m. on a Sunday night. Go home. Dogs and retail slaves with sensitive ears will thank you.
Shopping trips to Wal-Mart do not necessitate packing a "snacky-poo" for your child. Anything other than a bottle for an obviously newborn infant is just creating bad habits that someone else is going to have to break at a future point in time.
Coming to Wal-Mart should not be so tiring for a child to have the Service Desk be the home of a Gerber Graduates yummy yams feeding. If it is your child's meal time, you need to be at home - not returning merchandise.
If they shriek like banshees for food, you have several problems.
First, you need to smack them to make them lower their voices in public. Yelling is not an acceptable way to communicate. No one is dying or in imminent danger of achieving that state. Shut up and stay shut up.
Next, you need to create regular meal times and stick to that.
Finally, you do not need to be running around with small children at 10 p.m. on a Sunday night. Go home. Dogs and retail slaves with sensitive ears will thank you.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Discipline is not optional
Thou shalt control thy child, if not, I'll do it for you.
If you see children misbehaving, slap them across the face that they might learn to behave in public.
If you are unable to discipline your children, please do not act shocked when other people take it upon themselves to do it for you. You are a bad parent. Your parents were bad parents and their parents before them. Someone must correct these mistakes before humanity circles the drain hole of species death.
My grandmother's rule was "Act up in public, and you'll get a spanking with the hand in the store and another one with the belt at home." We behaved.
If you see children misbehaving, slap them across the face that they might learn to behave in public.
If you are unable to discipline your children, please do not act shocked when other people take it upon themselves to do it for you. You are a bad parent. Your parents were bad parents and their parents before them. Someone must correct these mistakes before humanity circles the drain hole of species death.
My grandmother's rule was "Act up in public, and you'll get a spanking with the hand in the store and another one with the belt at home." We behaved.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Sterilization before recreation
If you can't control your children, do not have them.
If you don't know what to do with your children, do not have them. Or have them and sell them. Or give them up for adoption. Don't keep them and treat them like accessories.
Children are not like handbags or shoes. Nor bangle bracelets. Having a lot of them doesn't really do much for your outfit. Nor does baby spew.
Take the pill. Get the implant. Get the snip. Shoplift some Trojans. Use the rhythm method. Quit having them if you're not prepared for them. Or too stupid to look after it properly. It's not like you stuff it back in and ask for a refund.
If you don't know what to do with your children, do not have them. Or have them and sell them. Or give them up for adoption. Don't keep them and treat them like accessories.
Children are not like handbags or shoes. Nor bangle bracelets. Having a lot of them doesn't really do much for your outfit. Nor does baby spew.
Take the pill. Get the implant. Get the snip. Shoplift some Trojans. Use the rhythm method. Quit having them if you're not prepared for them. Or too stupid to look after it properly. It's not like you stuff it back in and ask for a refund.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)